Here's The Deal...
I make video reviews of movies and songwriting contests for a site called Ocean of Bees. I'd fought thru horrible "equipment" issues for several months, and used mostly Windows Effing Movie Maker to edit my videos. I had only recently obtained a real video editing program -- but I got hit with a rootkit virus, and everything on my hard drive was wiped out. I am now back to square 1, and I kind of refuse to go back to Headache Maker.
This ChipIn exists so that I, an incredibly impoverished individual, can obtain actual equipment and make better videos, on a more regular basis, for KaFans all the world over. My current "equipment" is as follows:
I have this condenser mic:
It sounds o.k. for now, but you'll notice it's not in great shape. I don't have a proper boom stand, so the mic is often in a precarious position just off camera, and thus prone to comical prat falls.
The fact that its stand is a tiny tripod with one incredibly loose and therefor frustratingly touchy joint adds to the delightful amount of hits to the floor this mic has accrued.
Really, if this were a person, it would have Multiple Concussion Syndrome. And, apparently, Ehlers-Danlos. (Look it up, that's a smart guy joke.)
This is the camera I've filmed all my stuff on, so far. Of course, by "camera", I mean "persnickety little technology bitch that does its best to be inconvenient."
This thing refuses to acknowledge my condenser mic, even when I turn off its built-in alternative and tell it that said condenser is the only option. It agrees, and then flips me a big ol' Microsoft finger, while continuing to use the built-in mic that isn't supposed to be accessible. A wild mare, this one. Also, it likes to phase itself in and out of glaucoma when I'm filming, thoroughly dicking up every other take. I would love a real camera. Speaking of which...
A friend sent me this Flipcam, because he didn't want my videos in crappy webcam quality anymore. I used it to take the previous images, but I had to use the webcam to get this one, so--
Wait, the webcam's going all glaucoma. Give it a sec...
O.k., so this is the Flip, but I didn't get to use it yet. However , the mic on it sucks for air if you're more than 4 inches away, so if I record video with this, I'd have to record audio separately, and there's no telling how much fun it'll be trying to sync the audio and video. Not to mention, If I try to film with--
--Oh, darn! There goes that wacky webcam again! LifeCam Cinema, you're such a cut-up! Anyway, if I try to film with the Flip, I can't watch what I'm recording on a monitor, so it'd be best-guess takes. And that seems really stupid. (Don't tell my friend I said his idea was stupid, he bought me a Flipcam.)
I'd show you my lighting, or my "set", but I don't have any. I just kinda sit in my office chair and bask in the comforting glow of my monitor. Oh, and I recently wiped my hard drive due to a virus, so that kick-ass editing program I had is gone, and I don't have access to getting it back, because I...um...the guy who loaned me the legal copy to put on my computer...legally moved away? Let's say that.
To sum up, I'm basically going commando when it comes to the video production process, and I'd much prefer the comfort and support of some high tech briefs. Let's pretend that's a good metaphor, because you know what I mean. I don't get paid to write this stuff, you know -- but I should! So, gimme money.
I've set my monetary goal at two grand, because I know PayPal is going to take a chunk of whatever I obtain. And I set the cut-off date at February 15th, because that's my cat's birthday. And I was looking at my cat when I was thinking of a cut-off date. So, there you go. Send me money, because you recognize my incredible talent and comedic genius, and I'll make bigger and better videos at oceanofbees.com for everyone to enjoy. Or, don't. And ruin my damn Valentine's Day. And disappoint my cat. Is that really what you want? Is that really who you are? Heart-breaker? Cat-saddener?! I don't think so. You're good people.
Now give me your money.
--S. Kablam
This ChipIn exists so that I, an incredibly impoverished individual, can obtain actual equipment and make better videos, on a more regular basis, for KaFans all the world over. My current "equipment" is as follows:
I have this condenser mic:
It sounds o.k. for now, but you'll notice it's not in great shape. I don't have a proper boom stand, so the mic is often in a precarious position just off camera, and thus prone to comical prat falls.
The fact that its stand is a tiny tripod with one incredibly loose and therefor frustratingly touchy joint adds to the delightful amount of hits to the floor this mic has accrued.
Really, if this were a person, it would have Multiple Concussion Syndrome. And, apparently, Ehlers-Danlos. (Look it up, that's a smart guy joke.)
This is the camera I've filmed all my stuff on, so far. Of course, by "camera", I mean "persnickety little technology bitch that does its best to be inconvenient."
This thing refuses to acknowledge my condenser mic, even when I turn off its built-in alternative and tell it that said condenser is the only option. It agrees, and then flips me a big ol' Microsoft finger, while continuing to use the built-in mic that isn't supposed to be accessible. A wild mare, this one. Also, it likes to phase itself in and out of glaucoma when I'm filming, thoroughly dicking up every other take. I would love a real camera. Speaking of which...
A friend sent me this Flipcam, because he didn't want my videos in crappy webcam quality anymore. I used it to take the previous images, but I had to use the webcam to get this one, so--
Wait, the webcam's going all glaucoma. Give it a sec...
O.k., so this is the Flip, but I didn't get to use it yet. However , the mic on it sucks for air if you're more than 4 inches away, so if I record video with this, I'd have to record audio separately, and there's no telling how much fun it'll be trying to sync the audio and video. Not to mention, If I try to film with--
--Oh, darn! There goes that wacky webcam again! LifeCam Cinema, you're such a cut-up! Anyway, if I try to film with the Flip, I can't watch what I'm recording on a monitor, so it'd be best-guess takes. And that seems really stupid. (Don't tell my friend I said his idea was stupid, he bought me a Flipcam.)
I'd show you my lighting, or my "set", but I don't have any. I just kinda sit in my office chair and bask in the comforting glow of my monitor. Oh, and I recently wiped my hard drive due to a virus, so that kick-ass editing program I had is gone, and I don't have access to getting it back, because I...um...the guy who loaned me the legal copy to put on my computer...legally moved away? Let's say that.
To sum up, I'm basically going commando when it comes to the video production process, and I'd much prefer the comfort and support of some high tech briefs. Let's pretend that's a good metaphor, because you know what I mean. I don't get paid to write this stuff, you know -- but I should! So, gimme money.
I've set my monetary goal at two grand, because I know PayPal is going to take a chunk of whatever I obtain. And I set the cut-off date at February 15th, because that's my cat's birthday. And I was looking at my cat when I was thinking of a cut-off date. So, there you go. Send me money, because you recognize my incredible talent and comedic genius, and I'll make bigger and better videos at oceanofbees.com for everyone to enjoy. Or, don't. And ruin my damn Valentine's Day. And disappoint my cat. Is that really what you want? Is that really who you are? Heart-breaker? Cat-saddener?! I don't think so. You're good people.
Now give me your money.
--S. Kablam
Recent Comments